just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
