He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
