I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
