oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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