i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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