Ambien. No doubt about it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
