yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
