im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
