OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
