I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
