Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
