I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
