its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
