I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
