i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
