so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
