whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
