He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
