first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
