my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
