i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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