It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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