I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
