Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
