Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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