She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
