Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
