Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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