Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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