More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize