Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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