you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's great music for shaving your balls
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
