If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
