i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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