i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
zippers are such a cool invention
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
