atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
