I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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