Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
