I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
