I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
