I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
