make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So squirting runs in the family.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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