Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize