I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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