Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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