if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
