she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
