Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
