I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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