This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
