I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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