I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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