my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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