At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
