I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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