why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
