Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
