I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
