I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize