i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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