You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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