Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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